PRAGNAN

blogging today because JY told me i should. she said i write "interesting". ha! what the heck does that even mean? later she retracted and said "i meant you write WELL". that totally reflects our relationship because she meant to say something nice but couldn't really, because we never really compliment each other. because we are korean and koreans don't do that unless they're fake.

anyhow,
i am not a good writer but i do enjoy it. and i have indeed thought to blog time and time again, but didn't want to be one of those people who just stop one day. in case you all get so addicted. :) but oh well. i'll try to keep it going for as long as i can!

16.


today i am 16 weeks pragnan.
my friend jen-e told me 16 is the magical number when i will start to feel good.
jen-e, you liar! jk.


i have maybe about 15 friends and family members around me that are expecting in the months of september, october, november, and december. there is a definite baby boom going on. everyone has been busy. of those 15, i think twelve of them are boys. including the one growing inside of me.

about the one growing inside of me.
we have been waiting for this one for quite some time. i don't like to tell that to people because it is kind of misleading. it makes it seem like we were timing things every single cycle, feeling tormented and disappointed every month, and worried that we would never have children. it wasn't exactly like that. but somehow i think we just imagined that this baby would sneak up on us and surprise us out of nowhere, out of some random hot night of romance. that definitely did not happen. the baby nor the night. ha. so in some way, two and a half years into marriage, we were waiting and we were eager for our new addition.

regardless, i was still so incredibly shocked and caught by surprise when our "duty" actually "worked" and the test checked positive. i don't know if it makes any sense, but i think it was the first time in my life i truly felt like a functioning woman. (hope that is not offensive to anyone)
i took the test at about 4 weeks while blee went out to frisbee with dogbaby, and the double lines were instant and DARK. up until that moment, i imagined that when the time actually came, i would keep it a secret until my first ultrasound, and surprise him in some cute way. but come on. does he really deserve something that sentimental and thoughtful? homie proposed to me in the car! so i texted him 0.5 seconds after i found out and basically he received the best news of his life mid-throw, during frisbee time with his dog. his response, i think: "cool.".

because my cycles are super duper long, (like 40+ days), i always figured i would be one of those girls who found out she was knocked up at like 10 weeks and first trimester would have ZOOMED past me without me even knowing. but like i said, i found out at 4 weeks and had i not found out then, i would have known by the very next week anyway, because my body instantly formed an intimate bond with every single toilet in our home. full blown nausea and vomit sessions. not to mention at the time i was working on an intense translation project for a grad student writing her thesis. this was all happening at the end of april. so close to mother's day. everything seemed so perfect because mother's day was a week after my first ultrasound, and what better gift for my mama than the gift of a grandchild?! yeah right. i couldn't handle it and called my mom at 6 weeks and forced her to drive 30 miles to come over and take care of my dog because i was so sick and stressed out with work. she came over begrudgingly and looked at me disapprovingly as there were dishes piled up in the sink and the place was an absolute mess. because i figured she would get mad if i asked her to come again the following day, i looked over at her from my desk and mumbled "the moment you have been waiting for has finally come...". she looked at me confused at first but because she is noonchi level one hundred, she caught on right away, and because she is not the type to hug me and kiss me and tell me she loves me so much, she walked over and patted me on the back repeatedly and said "good job, good job! ash, grandma take you on a walk! let's go. we not bother mom!" mission accomplished. mom came over twice every week for the next 6+ weeks to take care of me. :D #onlychildsyndrome

...

i was going to go into detail about my first trimester, but i just decided it's really not that interesting. just know that it kicked me in the ass and i'm not much better now. blee felt so bad in the beginning about all the sickness and throwing up that he would come home with bags of chips and tubs of ice cream... but eventually he got so used to it that it doesn't even phase him anymore. last week while i was having epic throw-up time, i heard him whistling and telling himself "74 degrees! it's shorts weather!!!". so happy for you bro.

the shit my husband says.

he really is lucky that
1.i'm pretty nice deep down somewhere and
2. i am secretly still kind of fond of him.

i will digress on my husband later, on a different day. i want to keep all my readers on their toes, so they will come back for more! hasta pasta!