herro. when people ask me what i do for a living, i respond "i'm a fine artist. i paint. yes, like on a canvas. geometrical abstract art. it's like shapes and lines and colors." but in reality, my occupation for the past year or so has been a sahw, raising a puppy. sahw definitely does not sound as legitimate as sahm. sahw is a horrible job. the truth of the matter is, i think i have grown too complacent in my life. i, like california, am going through a major drought. i have not been very inspired by anything, and that has caused me to lose discipline, and i have decided again for the 35th time that i will try harder. i always go back to the same thought. suffering people make great artists and great art. so sometimes i miss the days when i used to suffer, financially and emotionally. but i don't want to suffer. i want to be a good wife, a good friend, a good owner to ash, one day a good mother, and still be a good artist. so i am going to try harder.