What a crazy and humbling past couple of days for our family.
I mentioned before that I had a lot of events coming up, and those events have busily been checked off my list. We had a crazy weekend during the hottest days of our El Niño California summer.
The next day, Brian went out golfing (against my suggestion to rest up and get ready for our big move on Monday), and came home with heatstroke and major allergies. Not to mention Ash was running a fever and vomiting bile all day long from either the previous day's overexcitement & heat, or from all the stress of us packing up boxes to move. To say I was stressed out is an understatement. She continued to vomit through the night, and we all went to sleep (except for when we had to wake up and clean her vomit off the rug at 4am) feeling exhausted and defeated.
I woke up the next morning, and got ready for my 28wk appt. The dreaded glucose test. As I was getting ready, Ash threw up again! Brian counted and that was the 17th time in less than 24 hours. I couldn't take it anymore, so I called the vet and had B take her in. Not only that, my mom had to rush over so she could watch the movers who were coming at 9am, while I went to my doctor's appointment.
My ob wasn't in as usual. For some reason, she is always at the hospital for a delivery when it's my appt day. Sucks because how can I even be upset when I know how much more important that is? Lol. Anyhow, I flagged down a nurse and asked if I would be getting another ultrasound, since the last two were a complete fail, with Noms chillin' snug and so low we could never really get a good look at his face/ profile. Luckily there was availability, and the tech squeezed me in real quick before I had to go in for my glucose test. What do you know, same position. This guy! I asked if it was okay for the baby to be in the same exact position for about 12 wks now, and she assured me it was not abnormal for him to be. However, she kept circling around his body and making a lot of measurements. Instantly I knew something was wrong. I stayed quiet and let her do her thing, and she proceeded to tell me that she would have to discuss a few things with my doctor and have her get back to me. At that moment my heart dropped and everything she said to me after that is a blur. Apparently he is measuring very small, and has not grown much. I don't remember much else after that. I wish blee had been there to listen. She told me there was not much to worry about just yet. Best case scenario is that he is a lot younger than we initially thought. This is not implausible since my cycles are unusually long and my ovulation date could have been a lot later than we calculated.
Oh man.
I scurried outta there because she tried to brush it off like it wasn't a big deal, and on my walk over to the lab, tears just started streaming down my face. I'm crying right now as I type this. It really takes something like that to make all the other little things in your life seem so trivial and unimportant. The last several months, I just stressed and stressed about how unhappy I was in our current living situation and cried almost everyday as we struggled to find a home suitable for us. I (gladly and happily) spent all my hours stressing and planning for my best friends' showers. I ate poorly because all I wanted was Korean food and the market was too far to drive to. I was devastated when our babymoon glamping trip had to be cancelled, because that weekend, California randomly decided to have tons of rain and thunderstorms. Most recently I had been so concerned about being a fat bridesmaid, that I had been watching my weight gain. I thought about all these things and the tears wouldn't stop flowing from my eyes. All these stupid concerns, when all I should have been thinking about was how to grow my healthy baby. I felt like the worst mom in the world, and he wasn't even here yet. Meanwhile, Brian was texting me to let me know that Ash had no obstruction in her stomach, but a fever, and that she was being probed with needles and had to be injected with tons of fluids that would be costing us over $800. My poor fur baby. My even poorer bank account! I swallowed my tears as the technician awkwardly tried to make conversation with me as she took my blood, and after that I walked past the waiting room as all the expectant mothers' stared at me and probably worried for their own babies. My bad, seriously. Eventually as I was inquiring about a bill I was mailed, my original OB saw me crying and assured me that the ultrasounds are not always accurate, and at this point she just needs me to rest up, relax, and eat well. I got in my car, grabbed a chicken sandwich meal from chik fil a on the way, and as soon as I got home, I stood in the empty kitchen and scarfed it all down.
The rest of the day was horrible as you can imagine. The movers had come an hour late, and though they promised they would finish in 3 hours, they took much longer and inside my head I just saw dollar signs. Haha. What an expensive day for us. When they completed everything, we headed over to the new place, and I spent the rest of the day with a huge migraine and just laid down, unwilling and unable to help unpack or clean. I was checked out.
This morning, we woke up at 7 with the hugest hugest migraines, both Brian and I. Normally I would have just suffered through it and not budged from the bed, but instantly I thought about Noma and how I should nourish him and so I dragged my body to the kitchen, grabbed the prescription migraine medicine, a piece of bread for me, and a banana for B. We swallowed those and went back to sleep. We woke up at around 10am feeling SO much better. Thank God. I went back out to the kitchen, cooked up some boiled chicken and rice for Ash, two iced coffees, made ghetto egg fried rice for Brian, and sent him off to work.
The normalcy of that routine in our new home, of just taking care of my little family, amazingly brought me back to reality and a state of peacefulness. Not to mention, Ash seems to be doing so much better, so I'm trying to forget about her almost one thousand dollar visit to the vet, and convince myself all those dollars is what made her better and in return gave me peace of mind. Haha.
I spent the rest of the morning and day-time slowly moving around and cleaning things up in the new house, and I must say, I am going to love living here with my family. Home is wherever they are, and I have to constantly remind myself of this fact. Often times, we get so overwhelmed with the trivial things in life, and also with trying to live a life that meets the standards of everybody around us. I am totally guilty of this, as I had been totally unsatisfied with my life, despite all the blessings God had been pouring out on us.
We are not completely in the clear with Noma, as I am still waiting for the doctor to call back and follow up with me, but let me just say, he is all that matters to me from here on out. My cousin messaged me this morning and offered to bring her ginormous 34 wk preggo body over to me after work to bring us dinner, and then gently rebuked me for taking on too much in life and not taking better care of me and Noma. That is exactly what I needed to hear and so today, despite still being worried sick, I spent my time resting my body and thinking positive thoughts, and I feel much better. I don't know why I'm sharing such private things on my blog, but I just wanted to document this day. And kind of encourage everyone to take joy in the little things and what you have, and not focus on what you don't have. Please also pray for my baby. The good news is that his heart-rate was good, my fluids are good, and he is still kicking pretty regularly. At this point all that matters is his health. I was not so secretly hoping that he would join us a little early at 38 wks so I could end this tortuous pregnancy (and because I am so eager to meet him), but at this point I will be happy with him being a Christmas baby, or even if he decides to join us in 2016, just so long as he is healthy and happy. Thanks for listening. ❤️
