i know it's not good,

but every doctor's appointment,
i go in expecting the worst.
i walk into the ultrasound room expecting the specialist to tell me the baby has not grown since the last time, that there is no longer a heartbeat, or something of that sort.
morbid. i know.
this time was the worst because of that gas stove incident, and because of that time in colorado i took DOUBLE the dosage of fioricet, (migraine prescription) TWICE in ONE DAY.

but by the grace of God, every time i go in, i get to see how much our spawn has grown and how healthy he is, and my heart swells with joy and anticipation.
i start to imagine all the good times i will have with my boy, all the special father-son moments i will see him share with his daddy, the best buddy relationship he will have with his fur sister ash... :)
can you tell i'm totally over the fact that we aren't having a daughter?

anyhow, this past monday my husband and i both went to the doc's appt. he finally took a half-day since it was a fun checkup- 3D ultrasound at all, but noma was NOT a team player.
the ultrasound tech struggled and had me move around in all different positions, but ultimately he would not budge, making it impossible to get a view of his face. our little exhibitionist went to all lengths to hide his face but was not so shy about what's between his legs. bro, we already know you're a boy! calm down.

blee was quiet throughout the whole appointment. i was so curious to know what was going on inside his mind. often times he says he feels like a sports fan. he isn't able to contribute much, but just cheers from the sidelines.
so all in all, i think he was just amazed at the fact that baby was real. the other day he told me he felt like there really is no baby inside of me; that i was just messing with him as an excuse to get fatter and fatter... so nice.
but this time he got to see that there was actually a fetus in there, and the little guy has a brain, he has kidneys, he has four chambers in his heart...
i think he mostly enjoyed coming along with me, except for when he got a little upset that the baby's torso looked so long. mom genes. (baby eventually stretched out his long legs so daddy could rest at ease. lol.)

my ob told us later that the baby is measuring a little small in all areas... 20th and 30th percentile.. she mentioned that this would be good for me, since having a big baby is a bit harder during labor.
then she proceeded to tell me that his head was measuring in the 94th percentile! uh...what?

sigh, as long as he is healthy i guess...

today i went to my mom's house and she gave me "volume 1" of my baby albums. (there are 8 of them. brian has 1 album of his entire childhood that is only half full. lol. only child vs. youngest child.)
i looked through it with much more interest this time than other times, and read through all of the notes my mom had written down. not much was surprising. not much had changed. i was an easygoing baby that occasionally suffered from constipation here and there.

anyhow, growing up i pretty much thought i had been cute as a baby because my dad TO THIS DAY says he has yet to see a baby that is as a pretty as i was. i realized today he is truly my father and blinded by love.

gordita han at 3 months old.

definitely wins pretty baby contest, right? 

i am so curious whether noma will come out looking like me or like blee.
two things are for sure. 1. there will be rolls. and 2. no one will ever mistake him for a girl. haha

baby blee holdin' it down in cerritos, queen B j at 100 days old in seoul

rolls on rolls on rolls

dad and dad? jk. mom on the right. 

morphed noma. :)